Hewhoismighty.blogspot.com

  So I have two different book ideas (more than that but two I’m thinking of like now) and I can’t decide what to commit to writing first. My first book idea is about prayer and suffering. How one can use prayer as an invitation to join in Christ’s suffering. I’ve thought about this book many years. I’m not sure I can write a whole book on it, I mean, I don’t know. But, I’ve done a mind map… not an outline yet though. I’d like to write it but, my views on suffering have changed, and I’m not sure how it would impact the book. My other book I would like to write is a memoir. Which could also be fun to write. But… the part where I find complete deliverance hasn’t happened yet. I’m going to flesh things out on this blog. Try to put my thoughts down on paper. Like… suffering. No suffering is wasted to the Lord. But now I’m convinced there may be suffering unnecessarily. Like… I’ve been persuaded that actually it is God’s will to heal all the time. The problem isn’t God, it’s us. We ...

  So… lately I have been very torn. I decided to not listen to my usual podcasts or shows on Brighteon for a while and just relax my brain a bit. I jumped into the Darren Hardy challenge this week to listen to a chapter of The Compound Effect every day. I need to write some concrete goals down to work towards. And it is true that putting in negative stuff affects you. That’s why I abstained from watching the news for years. Who wants that crap polluting your mind? Anyhow, I did listen to a speech Dr. Stella Immanuel gave last week, recently. And I listened to her on YouTube recently as well. And there is a stark contrast with her posture and the posture of everyone else I know. Dr. Stella is desperate for God to show up. Dr. Stella knows we are in a dire situation. Dr. Stella knows a lot of people are going to die and go to hell, and she is grieved for it. Dr. Stella was crying out, pleading for Christians to wake up, to humble themselves and pray and seek God’s face and ...

  This is a brief post, as I promised I’d post at least once a week, and I don’t have a lot of time this week or weekend to elaborate.   I just wanted to say, I’ve made a connection, a key to my deliverance process is praise!   I’m singing a lot right now. I actually have even decided to not listen to podcasts right now, but really focus on praise. And I love podcasts a lot, so for me to say no to them, well, you know I’m taking this singing seriously. But yeah, in 2009 and Feb 2021 I was singing praise songs all over the place, and those were the times I’ve been set free!   And… the spirit husband has gone away for now!   Something tells me it will attack again soon enough, but now I feel a little better in like, maybe praise music really is key for me! It totally makes sense, I just, am slow to realize it’s a weapon. And I think it’s helping me pick my shield of faith back up. That’s it this second, I’ll elaborate more later, just don’t have time now and didn’...

 It’s funny how quickly God can work when you allow Him to. So, I woke up at 5:10 am this morning after a bad dream, I won’t detail here, but it was disturbing enough that I couldn’t just fall back asleep, even though I was tired and wanted to. Then I started thinking about my fight last night with mom about my job choice. And I cried in anger, I cried to the Lord. I cried in pain. Why am I so angry, I don’t want to be angry? Why is my life so unfair? Why aren’t things different than they are? So then it was obvious I wasn’t going back to sleep, so I got up and began to journal my prayers and what I was thinking to God. So… a week ago I had accepted the part time job, but then been bothered all week and upset and wished I’d taken the full time job, and I was at peace taking it, I talked to a few people about pros and cons, I contacted them and said, I’m in. But I didn’t contact the PT job yet, because I felt bad, and I just hadn’t. Then I had my fight with mom last night....

  Life is a series of choices and decisions we make. Sometimes we make better decisions, sometimes we make foolish decisions. But all decisions have consequences, whether good or bad, and   we live with them. I decided to take the full time job I wanted instead of the part time job I thought I would take. It will be a lot of time, 5 full days a week, and the hours are a bit later than traditional hours. But it is an escape to me. An escape from setting up my mom at lunch. Why does helping my mom at lunch bother me so much?   I have to help her get set up in her bed and put voltaren on her. If she goes to the bathroom I have to help her up from the potty chair, and then when she’s done in the bathroom 45 minutes later, I have to empty her poop. Then, I have to actually help her in the chair, which takes 15 minutes or so, and then I get her lunch and set her up for the day. I just hate that I never feel like I can do anything, like life revolves around her needs. I do f...

  This morning, I had a realization. I think… well I’m pretty sure.. I’m depressed. It’s not really a good state of mind to be in, and I’ve tried to avoid it for a while. But… it’s hitting kinda hard. I realized it when, I woke up after a nightmare at 5:45 am, and I was awake, I should have gotten up. But I didn’t, I half slept until 8:30 and then felt crappy and guilty for not having just gotten up. But, I had no motivation to get up. I had no reason to get out of bed. In 2019, I hired a dating coach, who was also a life coach for me. It was really good, I feel like he did way more to help me than any counselor ever has. But, it was a pivotal decision for me. I am bipolar, and there’s a spectrum of depression we fall into. I was diagnosed in 2009. Well… that summer when I was diagnosed, I was at a really manic high. I found a new joy filled outlook on life for a little while. Before that summer, before that year, I was a mess. Pick a negative attitude to have, that was...