I'm starting to see

 So... last Monday was very good, I know many demons left me as the ladies prayed for me and cast them out. There were stubborn spirits, snakes, other crawly things, I heard them mention Jezebel, Leviathin, and a religious spirit, and a rebellious spirit. That's all I remember. That night though, I was attacked and couldn't get the demons off me. I even sang praise songs and prayed some Mountain Fire prayers before laying down, but it was game over the next two nights, and I was super discouraged. 

Wednesday kicked off a three day dull headache that kinda knocked me out, when I was already depressed, I couldn't think to read my Bible or pray, so I felt disconnected from the Lord those days as well. Friday night/Sat morning, I got violently sick and puked my guts out. Sat. night the demons came at me again. 

Sunday came though. I was beat up and tired but got up and spent some time with Jesus before church. I went to Central. Sometimes I don't follow the preaching as well, if I fall asleep, or if it's too all over the place, but this past Sunday, I felt the Lord speak to me. 

The past few months I've been asking "How, God?"  How are you going to heal mom? How will you use me? How will you heal others? How is this going to work? Apparently, this is the wrong question to ask. 

Instead, we say in faith the vision God has given us. God is going to heal my mom completely, We trust that God will move in His time, even when we cannot see how it will work out. I suppose you could say it is the definition of faith. 

At the end of the service you can go to ask the prayer team for prayer. I had sat with my friend Jamie who's on the prayer team, and she's prayed with me before. She's my friend who prayed with me for deliverance last November. I can sense she's a little flustered with me because I keep going to Calvary even though I am being pulled to Central. She's called out a legalistic, religious spirit in me before, which... it does worry mI e because it's like I can switch from sincerity to striving so quickly. Anyhow, Jamie asked me how she could pray for me, and I just started balling. I could barely say anything. So she just hugged me tightly and held me for several minutes. She rubbed my back, and she started praying in tongues over me. Then she told me, "God says, You're starting to see." She kept holding me for a while. When she finally released me she said your religiosity and legalism is finally falling off, and He will continue to help you with that. I nodded my head. I was very grateful. 

So Sunday night, I'd gone to bed, and spirit husband attacked, and it wasn't pretty for a bit, but then I was like, no, the devil is a LIAR, and I am free in Christ and no longer in chains. I got up and sang praise songs for 45 minutes and prayed. And I told the stubborn spirit husband to take his chains and I set them on fire and shoved them in his mouth instead. I told God I want to be a mighty warrior like Jenny Weaver, I stood my ground with confidence, and when I laid down, I felt a big presence leave my body. It did not touch me the rest of the night. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

So last night we had our post deliverance session, and we talked about the lies Satan will whisper to try to shake our confidence in what God has done and make us doubt. We talked about the truth. We talked about our weapons in the battle. 

We talked about how some people might feel the demons are still there (me) or feel worse because their warfare intensified (also me) and that walking out your freedom is a process. 

I think the leader said this for me, DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED, Get up and say get out! 

There were obvious things to do, like obey the Lord in every area of life, Pray in the spirit, Stay humble and repent, Walk in and use your authority in Christ, Establish a time with the Lord, in worship, prayer, and Bible study, and TESTIFY as much as possible. 

I have honestly shied away from sharing my testimony ever since spirit husband gripped me again in 2021. I've felt ashamed and like a fake, a fraud, and a failure. How can I preach God will set you free when I am in bondage myself? 

But, I know it's time to start sharing my testimony again. I plan on sharing it first with the Core Group. Then, who knows. But, I do feel I have the coolest testimony I know, I really do need to share it often! 

But I know it will stir up strife with more religious types. I left my old church because my closest friends all just chalked everything up to mental health issues, and I'm done with that. But I've laid low at Calvary. Not rocked the boat. 

And I haven't shared with anyone my testimony at Central either. I've wanted to but haven't had the opportunity. Even with Jamie, who I really sense I've hurt. 

The one person I shared it with is no longer part of my life. I'm not sure why she decided to completely withdraw, she said she just has too much on her plate, which may be true, but I do wonder if there was something more. 

I'm starting to see, but, like the blind man Jesus heals by putting mud on his eyes, people look like trees still. I'm waiting for Jesus to heal me completely now. I want to see what He sees.