The conclusion to last night's dream...

 

I know you wanna know what happened, what I decided about the Remote Closers Academy.

So, the dream left me feeling more uneasy and icky about that opportunity. I don’t know, I’m sure the people I dealt with meant well, and I’m sure I could make a buttload of money doing it. But, I didn’t feel God’s permission to do it, like, He wants to bless me but that’s not the way, wait, and also, I thought about it, to sign up I’d have to sneak behind my mom’s back, because she wouldn’t approve, and it would just be more damaging to our relationship. I’d lose her trust. We already have a very strained relationship.

I guess work wise I’m thinking about Pella! There are quotas, so I’ve been praying already about it, help hitting them every week, and hitting them before Sundays so I don’t have to work Sunday afternoons… I am nervous, maybe more nervous than when I started with Brio, because my past experience isn’t success. So it’s unnerving. But I wanna do it. I want to be awesome at it.

Some might think, why don’t you just work more at Kilwin’s again? Well, the competitive part of me that knows I’m worth a lot more is telling me go for something new. I’m not giving up my two days at Kilwin’s -I see them as ministry. Everyone there is lost. And I love them. So, I don’t want to leave there yet. I think God has me there for a reason. It is weird, when two co-workers talk about far left issues in support of them, I don’t know what to say. I will need to say some things at some point, and then there may be pressure to get me to leave. Actually, the pronoun police might fire me if she felt I’d been offensive somehow.

The online job sounds great, except, I don’t want to be behind a screen so much. I already have too much screen time. I wonder how fried my brain has become. I did have a brain MRI done this morning.

God put this in my lap… Kingdom Wealth Builders. It’s the perspective I didn’t realize I’d been looking for. It’s not prosperity Gospel, it’s actually like, whoa, God wants you in a position to bless others to point them to the love of Christ, to bless extravagantly.

Let me tell you a story.  I probably have blogged about this before. But… at the partial hospital program, there was this sweet young woman who shared her muffin with me! (I had increased appetite at that time, and food was definitely a love language!) I was really into thank you notes, and hiding secret messages about the MOTB in them, and I wrote her a letter saying thank you, and she knew!!! She knew more than me!!! And then I learned, she didn’t have food and didn’t know where it would come from. Well… before I went in the hospital I tried to have some food storage at least, and I knew God wanted me to give it away. This young woman also needed a computer to write on, and I had an old computer I wasn’t using. So… I decided I’d give her my old backpack with my old computer in it and like 6 big cans of soup and crackers stuffed in it. And that’s what I did. And it felt good. So good, that the next day I brought all the rest of my food storage in for her and her family. There was a lot, I hope it stretched for them. Also though I think I freaked her out because I told her I think I’m your guardian angel, and I’d been watching Jonothan Kleck and I just don’t know what to think about him at all… Obviously I was going through a weird stage. The point I’m trying to make is, that’s one time, I was able to lavishly bless someone who needed it.

Those people at the PHP all need to experience God’s lavish love. They are so broken. Abuse, addictions, mental health, people who are hurting. Just inwardly in so much pain. I kinda do miss it. I don’t miss being in there for my own stuff, but I miss fishing. Not many are willing to go into the dark cold waters to catch fish, but since I’ve swam those waters a bit myself, I know. And, I sense people’s spiritual needs well, I think. I don’t know, maybe that’s crazy, but I feel like I have a good barometer on how to pray for people’s hearts. And I know how to encourage them well.

Sheesh this is making me wonder if I should become a peer support specialist. I don’t want to pay for grad school again… although seminary would be tempting… maybe I can find out if they just want volunteers.

I am supposed to write, that I know. I just need discipline to protect that time and write my heart out.

Anywho… or how… or way…

God is going to start giving me clarity on where it is He wants me, what He wants me doing. I just, I’ve been so entangled taking care of mom, I’m like, how is working more again going to help? But I think it’ helps my mental health.

The setter texted me a few times this afternoon, and was like, just get on the call with Jacob… I totally stood him up. I know I should have canceled the appointment but I feared he would call, persuade me to keep it, and then sell me the program because, if you didn’t pick up on this, I’m an easy sell. He knew. It was God’s grace that kept mom’s helper home and forced me to take care of her that night, and had to go and couldn’t give a credit card then.

God will bless me with the provision to achieve the vision He’s given me. I really think that now.