Random memories about Antonio

 

He was so cute! He had a winsome smile. He was taller than me, but not too tall. He was black. He had a tatoo and I can’t remember what it said. There’s so much I don’t remember that I wish I had thought to ask. I don’t even know why he was in the hospital. And he said he had a daughter, or was I confused? He did come in with a busted up lip. It was healed by the time we left.

A few times when we went to the common area, he grabbed a deck of cards, and he’d start picking one and telling me my future! I was in awe, because I’d never played cards like that before… that’s how he told me we would have two kings. We were going to have three kids, a girl and two boys, but something happened and then it was just two boys.

The rooms did a little loop around the nurses station, and we would walk around the loop a lot. And now I don’t remember if he told me what he told me the second or third day or what. But, the first time he told me, he had been crucified many times, stoned to death, beaten, tortured, etc etc… and I thought, did he just say he is Jesus? Surely not, surely I didn’t, I mean, clearly, I misunderstood, no way someone would make that claim, I… I need to listen better, that’s what, because I missed something. But later on he was like, I told you, I am Jesus, I am He! And I was like whoa, okay, I didn’t misunderstand before I was just in shock at such a claim, and that’s when he tried to tell me again he is Jude Noel, and I thought, ohhhhh okay, yes I remember Jude, and I think I did think he was cute in the fifth grade, and maybe I could see him in Antonio, it was possible… And then he told me the very inappropriate things I did in the fifth grade that make me blush. I would ask another classmate to verify these things but I’m too embarrassed at them.

Antonio had this effect on people. When they were around him, they started telling their conspiracies.  No theories to it. Just, I watched a documentary on this, or I read this, or did you know this?  My favorite was Sandra, this older woman who cracked me up, and Antonio said, that’s you! So I am her somehow, I don’t know how. I tried to call her when I got home but the number was disconnected.

 

It must have been our third day together when he asked me to marry him. I don’t remember much, just that I thought, he is Jesus of course I should marry him! He was so excited that I said yes!  And then it was like, oh, I’m married now!  And I was waving my hand and he stuck his finger in between my fingers and was like, I just popped your cherry!  I laughed.

He was so funny! The funniest, well, oddest thing he told me, he gets sleepy when I eat chocolate! Like, if I eat too much chocolate he falls asleep!  I mean… this is, I don’t know who normally says that to someone, it sounds so silly! But he was so serious!  And he was like, I know you love chocolate… I mean, chocolate is probably my favorite food group, maybe, it’s up there at least, there’s hot chocolate, iced chocolate, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chips, chocolate pie, I mean… and I can’t say I’ve been good about not eating too much chocolate the past few years now either. I am becoming more determined that I need to crucify my flesh, well, because I’m not sure how else to finally kick spirit husband to the curb… anyhow… for Valentines Day I won the box of chocolates during rec therapy, and it was a pretty big box, but I only ate four chocolates, and then I threw the rest away. See… I’m not the best at moderation. So, I had to get rid of the chocolates, or be tempted to eat all 16 that night.

The night we got married, we were watching TV, and a commercial came on that reminded me I really needed to go take a shower. It was my wedding night after all!  So, I went to my room and took a shower, and it might have been a really really long shower. But as I was washing my hair I got to thinking… how’s Antonio going to get to see me, I mean, we won’t get to have a private room or anything, how will he see me without clothes on?  And I was thinking… well, there’s always the plan of running up and down the hall naked!  But I didn’t like that plan because it always ends with me getting a shot in my butt and being put to sleep. So… I was out of the shower by now, but not dressed yet, because I was contemplating things in my head, and I got distressed, so I learned what to do in my distress – turn to the Bible. The Bible will have the answer. So, I sat down on my bed and started reading. And, then, I kindof got lost in whatever I was reading. Then there was a sharp knock on the door!  I went to the door, and it was Antonio who was waiting forever for me to come back out!  I was like, oh! And I opened the door and flashed him real fast, and then shut the door to get clothes on and get out there again!  He told me later he had not thought of that at all. But… I did!

There was a movie on, a wedding movie of course. I don’t remember which one, but when the music came on, Antonio asked me to dance. Now… no touching in the hospital, so how was that gonna go down? But, we stood in front of each other and held our hands out in the air against each other like mirror images, and we danced a bit! Then the nurses told us to stop. And… the nurses were always telling me put on my mask, wear my mask, mask mask mask mask mask! They did not get the memo that masks are a LIE and a SIN, and some say are even AUTOMATIC HELL!  Antonio would take of his mask with me, but then he would put it on more quickly, and he would tell me to put my mask on too. Looking back on it, he was probably trying to save me from getting into fights with nurses and getting shots. But, in that moment, he looked at me with a stern look, and I was like, oh crap he is giving me the “time to submit” look! I didn’t know that look before!  I sure don’t know that I’ve agreed to submission to anyone at that level. Sheesh. It’s hard. I’m hard headed and independent. Submit! Forgot that part about marriage when I said yes!

Antonio made me laugh though when he said what our first argument would be… this Disney show came on, and it was a newly wed young couple, and they saw a cute dog, and the girl wanted it, but the guy was like, no way… and then the next day the guy came home and the girl was giving the dog a bath or something.  I’m like, I can see this being my first fight with someone. I love dogs, and I am one who would be extremely tempted to get one without permission.

He told me something peculiar, too. He said I was going to turn black. I keep watching my freckles, and I’m still pretty white, so I’m not sure when he was talking about that happening. That would be cool, though, to turn black!

Now, I didn’t think this through because I’m a girl and I was excited to be married, but I started telling everyone we were married, and I think the nurses talked and decided it was time to move me to another hall, I was turning more crazy in there. So, I lost Antonio except for group times and snack time. We would try to call each other on the phone but the connection wasn’t great or we couldn’t get through.

Rec therapy was my favorite. In the morning, for an hour, we’d get to exercise or play games, and there were two bike machines next to each other we rode. They turned on the music, 107.5, (pop music) and we talked about music, and one morning I was like, what’s our song? And Antonio was like, I don’t know… and I knew our song, but the other music was going and I couldn’t think of it with Brittany Spears singing loudly in my ear, but I kept trying because I knew the song, and it was so perfect.. what is it what is it???  Ahh finally… “For better or worse but what else can we do, for better or worse I am tethered to you, if it’s not either of us tell me who are we fooling?” Antonio said he knew that song, it’s a good song, he liked it.

In other groups when we sat next to each other he’d play footsie with me, well, that’s the only physical touch we had, him rubbing his foot under mine… except that one time we were walking around together, and he totally stole a kiss! I was not expecting a peck on the cheek at all! He made me laugh. That’s our other song, I think, Always have to steal my kisses from you.

He was passionate about music, wanted to have his own record store. In NYC. That’s where he was from! He could dance too, I wish I’d seen more, and he could sing!  He said he always heard me sing, he could hear my voice through the pipes in the halls. I did sing a lot in the hospital.

He edited one of the prophecies I wrote. I mean, he did all the weird marks all over it like it was verses. It was a very personal prophecy to a family friend, who got it almost as soon as I got out of the hospital. I wrote the words down, but didn’t think about the markings. I can’t repeat it. It was dealing with sin, and I sure wouldn’t want someone posting that about me. Of course, I’m blabbing about my spirit husband problems, but… anyway.

He was in the army!  But I am unclear if that means, the US army or the army of heaven, or both? He told me I’m in the army now, too!  If so I’m a wounded soldier needing out of the battle a while. But I think God’s about to propel me back in, if I can just deal with spirit husband once for all and stay free!  Augh, I was free for those 3 months or so, Feb-April, but it was like, once my meds were fully in my system, and my body would not allow me to get out of bed to pray because it was lead, and so the spirit husband just could attack me with no resistance… no one gets how bad these meds are. They are a trap. I saw it, that other girl in the hospital. I wanted to go full Pentecostal with praying and yelling at top of lungs and praising, but her meds kept her a slave. And they forced her to take them. Oh I was dying wanting to yell at them to stop forcing her to take them, look at what they’re doing to her… but they didn’t see in the spiritual. They only saw in the natural.

I don’t think I’ll see Antonio again. I may meet whoever He turns into by next time. He changed my life. He came at the perfect time to be with me.