sorry a few thoughts about the blog

 A few quick caveats about the blog... I haven't written in months, so sorry if my posts are repetitive, I just don't remember what I've written already. I do know, writing is a form of self care for me that I've neglected, and now I want to care for myself better because I'm beyond burnt out in caring for my mom. I really need to get away. Like far away. Maybe half across the world away. I'm plotting my escape. (No, I'm not planning on running away as maybe I did in the past. I am planning on having some direct conversations with mom soon.)  Anyhow, I do want to be a better poster. I mean, post more frequently, not have a better picture for my room. I am kind of delusional now. I am really playing with fire with sleep right now. 


Wow, 30 min after I started writing this I told mom I was burnt out and she finally said she's ready to go to a home. And I think she meant it. But it's like, oh, if she moves I have to move as well, and I've gotta be working more than my current pt job. I didn't want to only work PT but I did to be here for mom. But now I may be a little screwed in having taken care of her will I be able to take care of myself? I'll figure things out, I already wanted to do life insurance again. I don't know. Too many things I don't know. But... I do know, I didn't argue with mom. I didn't say, I don't want you to go to a home. Even though I don't, I don't have the capacity to care for her myself anymore.  I believe God wants to heal her, but we'll have to see, she has to believe and have faith herself to see that miracle. 

I'm able to write at the moment bc we have company doing all the things I'm usually doing. Okay I need to go to bed for real, sleep is important self care as well.  Crazy things happen when you don't get enough sleep. 

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