Shaken

 

Hey!

 

Wow. It’s been a minute. If you’ve made your way to this blog, that means you’ve come through another blog that had pretty infrequent posts, so thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for not giving up on me. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write. I haven’t known what to write about, and I have a hard time making time. But, here is another attempt at a blog, I’m going to try to write at least once a week.

 

I decided to name this blog after one of my favorite songs, He Who is Mighty, because I want it to be about Him, Jesus, being mighty in my life.

 

This past year and a half, I’ve been pretty shaken. I’ve gone from the highest of highs to some discouraging lows. It's been a lot to process.

So, it was last February when God told me I’m a prophet. And then, so many cool things to confirm that identity kept happening. It was really really cool. And, it seemed like I have kicked the spirit husbands out of my life! I was so sure and confident of my identity.  I was admittedly a little crazy. But I was free and overjoyed.

I remember the week leading up to the next spirit husband attack. I kinda sensed it was coming, and I started praying the prayers I’d gotten from Mountain Fire Ministries to break curses and covenants. But then it hit, and that night I was powerless to stop it. The attack went on constantly for a long time.

I was still confident though. I could overcome this in Christ!

But then, I didn’t.

The attack came and went several times, at one point driving me to the hospital. When I wasn’t feeling the attack, I was paranoid that it would come back.

If I’m a prophet, shouldn’t I be able to whip these demons butts?

I found a deliverance ministry, and had one woman pray with me. And she referred me to another deliverance ministry that’s mostly online. I took one course and kinda realized, I’m more into self deliverance. I think I just have so many demons, it’s a beast getting rid of them, and I don’t know how to keep them out apparently. Plus, when I get into prayers to really disrupt them, they choke me and gag me and I know crap I need to throw them up, but then I don’t want my mom to freak out and think I’m sick or have covid, so I stop. Then I feel bad.

I really do have curses God is helping me break. I’m hoping when they are taken care of I’ll make breakthrough and complete deliverance.

I guess though, this post is actually a prayer request.

This coming weekend, I’m going to Raleigh for a deliverance weekend with Mountain Fire Ministries. I have no idea what to expect, just that I have to wear dresses/skirts below the knee, and I have to dry fast. (I will have to drink to take my meds at night, and I may drink water some, but it will be minimally, I’ve never dry fasted a whole day before, let alone three.) 

The spirit husband began attacking a week and a half ago. I’m just trying to not go manic. It’s hard though when my sleep is inconsistent.

So, pray that nothing deters me but I’ll make it to the weekend, and then pray it helps me get rid of these demons for good and have tools to keep them away when they attack in the future. Because I’m sure they will.

Not many know what I’m doing this weekend. Some know I’m going to Raleigh, but, they don’t know why. I just, I haven’t found my tribe of people I can talk to about things like this. I have one friend who understands, but, most people I fear will judge me, so I keep them at a distance. Which isn’t good for community.

I had a list of prayer requests I’ll find and post. But please pray that I would not be deterred from this weekend, and that it would be effective in equipping me to get rid of these demons for good. I’m overwhelmed at how many there are. I have a feeling I’ll even be vomiting things up.  Which, if it’s that deep it needs to get out. Mom gets worried when I start vomiting here. She doesn’t believe in any of this. To her, spirit husband is simply mental illness. She is not happy that I am going to this weekend. She feels MFM is who told me to go off my meds, they weren’t, and helped me go manic. Well, when you have a ton of demons and you’re fed up with them and you realize you cannot lie down anymore, you do get a little manic. Or a lot manic.

Please also pray for my relationship with my mom. It has gotten better, but it could improve still. But, well, in some ways it’s worse. We are codependent, and sometimes I feel I don’t know where her life ends and my life begins. It’s tricky. I feel like I’m giving up opportunities to take care of her. Pray that I won’t resent her for any sacrifices I am making. But taking care of her is a job itself. I worry too, that I won’t be able to protect her when we need protection from whatever goes crazy in the world. Really, I would like God to miraculously heal her. I read this book. Removing the Barriers to Healing, and it got me excited about possibly having a healing ministry. But I know I have to deal with my own demons first.

Pray that I wouldn’t go crazy in the next few days either. These demons are really ramping up their attack, so much that I worry about a hospital visit. And they would send me to a not good hospital. Or, not as good as Baptist. But they are trying to psych me out mentally as well as mess with me physically.

I thank you, whoever you are, for bearing with me. I’m a mess. 

Blessings in Christ